


The Never-to-be-Written Monster Historical Crossover Crackfic AU – An Opener

by Paratti



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell - Susanna Clarke, Master and Commander, Sharpe - All Media Types, Spooks
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 06:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4009324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paratti/pseuds/Paratti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired and worked out during a long drive in the fog together with Lori after seeing ASH’s play.<br/>Rating: PG 13<br/>Disclaimer: None of the numerous source worlds belong to me, but to their owners. Characters have been hijacked from their own timelines and from the BTVS, Spooks, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, Sharpe, Alias, Master and Commander ‘verses amongst others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Never-to-be-Written Monster Historical Crossover Crackfic AU – An Opener

The village was an unassuming one, with the usual complement of cottages surrounding an ancient but very tidy church, all nestling under the watchful guard of the somewhat sprawling Elizabethan manor house on the hill. To look at it, one would never notice anything unusual about the well-ordered rectory standing in its own grounds amid the neatly enclosed fields. The garden was full of roses, the cultivation of which was overseen by a small woman in a muslin gown. The walls saw warm Bath stone war with ivy for control. In short, it was the very vision of England held in the hearts of every man fighting Bonaparte.

What was less usual was that it contained the library of one of the foremost living theoretical magicians of English Magic. Mr Giles not only possessed books coveted by Mr Norrell but also the only copies of others that had escaped the great man’s predation of the great libraries of England. With the return of English Magic to our shores, Mr Giles had also been inspired to follow the lead of Mr Strange and Mr Norrell to turn his great theoretic knowledge into a more practical direction - though it has to be said that this was without the encouragement of the latter magician or the knowledge of the prior. Despite this, it was the combination of the presence of the library and the knowledge of its owner that accounted for the presence of visitors from Town.

A rather old fashioned heavy carriage disgorged a rather stocky man with a bulldog visage, accompanied by a taller, fair man with bright eyes and fashionable disport and a slighter framed naval officer with a Tricorn hat pulled down heavily over his eyes and a greatcoat with the collar pulled up. The gentlemen were followed to the door by a pair of footmen, one with the fey darkness of the Celt and the other with skin dark as night and buttons shined to burning.

The door was opened to them by a small and somewhat obsequious man-servant whose somewhat effuse flattery had the bulldog man visibly twitching by the time they were ushered into the drawing room to meet with their host. Which host glared at the servant, “That will be all, Andrew.” After a slightly protracted exit by the said Andrew, Mr Giles smiled, “Lord Harry!”

The Lord Harry shook his hand. “It is good to see you again, Mr Giles.” On his nod, he continued, “I don’t believe you’ve met Mr Carter.”

“No. One of your more ‘confidential’ secretaries, I assume?”

Mr Carter smiled the grin of a born predator. “Yes, sir.”

The introduction of the naval officer was interrupted by the entrance of a bustling bundle of energy packed in muslin, who kissed Mr Giles, moved several books and pamphlets off a table and announced, “Lord Harry! It is so good to see you again! Where is Lady Ruth? I dispatched the roses she wanted two days ago, which is most vexing as you could have taken them with you. Your footmen can take luncheon in the kitchen. Andrew will show them the way. Lizzie will bring the tea through for us shortly.” All without breaking breath.

Lord Harry smiled, “Mrs Giles. A pleasure, as always”

Mr Giles caught his wife’s hand and kissed it. “She most certainly is. And how is Lady Ruth? I hear congratulations are in order?”

One would not think that such a man’s face could soften so, but Lord Harry looked decades younger in his happiness. “They are. It was a most unexpected blessing, marrying late as we did, but it is why she is staying at the Cheltenham estate and cannot be here today, Mrs Giles. She sends her compliments and Julian, her man of work will settle the bills for the roses – which really are exceptional.”

“And the cause of much envy from your neighbour, Mrs Pryce?” Mrs Giles asked.

Lord Harry smiled. “Mrs Pryce, Mrs Bristow, Mrs Mason. They are the toast of town. You will have quite a thriving business soon, I think. Mrs Wollstonecraft and Mr Smith would be proud – even if they are rather eclectic bedfellows.”

“You saw?”

“The pamphlets and books.” He glanced at them. “It is rather my job.”

“You do it very well.”

“Thank you.”

“I should leave you and my husband to it. My dearest, I will take the footmen through to the kitchen, and chivvy up Lizzie. Really, that girl will have to go. I know she is pretty and all the gardening boys work harder to try and impress her but -”

“We’ll go to the kitchen then, sir?” The black footman asked hopefully.

“Yes, Daniel.”

The other asked, “You’ll be safe here, sir?”

“Perfectly, Tom. I will send for you both later.”

They followed the miniature whirlwind out of the room. As Mr Giles inquired, “Bodyguards, Lord Harry?”

He settled back against the table, “In these days of troubles, one can’t be too careful. Though they’re not just that. Daniel has his uses at foiling French attempts to stir unrest at the docks as well as his uses in the dining rooms and bedrooms of society, while Tom’s invaluable at keeping Ireland in some sort of order.”

Mr Giles said, “But you’re not here over Ireland, are you.”

The naval officer shouted, “No they bloody well aren’t!”

Mr Giles startled. “I don’t believe we’ve been introduced.”

Mr Carter started, “Mr Giles, Commander –“

“Call me William.” He pulled off his hat and pulled down his collar, revealing a face more bestial than human, marred as it was by a ridged forehead, sulphurous yellow eyes and teeth grown into fearsome fangs. “More to the point - fix me!”

Mr Giles slumped onto the sopha.

Lord Harry grimaced. “We do need him back to normal.”

Mr Carter nodded. “We most certainly do. I need the best the navy can offer to get Amelia and myself in and out of France without running into either her former husband or requiring the assistance of Major Sharpe’s rifles to escape the French again.”

Lord Harry continued, “And normally I would send Lucky Jack, but he’s off hunting some American ship God only knows where.”

William said, “And I just want to look like me again. How the hell I’m supposed to captain a ship while looking like the damned and introduce my sister at Bath when I get back from France I really don’t know.”

Mr Giles asked, “How?”

Lord Harry seated himself. “Mr Norrell did a spell to make fantastic and hideous images real, to terrify the French out of their line.”

“I was in a picket and we were caught in it. The men… well, they couldn’t take it. A Commander can’t -”

Mr Giles rubbed his forehead. “And Mr Norrell cannot reverse this horror?”

Lord Harry sighed. “ He has not been helpful and with Mr Strange still in The Peninsular –“

Mr Giles asked, “You have already exhausted Lady Ruth’s library?”

Lord Harry’s face rumpled. “Cheltenham contains one of the best in creation and my dear wife has spent far too many hours working in it for her health and my peace, but we can find nothing. Mr Giles, we need your help. Your country needs your help.”

“I need your help!” William interjected.

“Your country needs you to become the third English Mage. Will you do it?”


End file.
